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2019 the year of ME

March 9, 2019

    I know we are three months into March and this is the first time I have even thought about writing a blog post (Sorry). This year has been one of the most defining years in all 18 years of my life so far and, now I'm ready to share about it.

 

 I am not going to lie I struggled in a high school a bit more than I am willing to admit but, I was not just struggling in high school I was struggling with me. It was hard for me to understand why I was facing such crippling anxiety everyday or why some days the hardest thing for me to do was to get out of bed. Once I would get out of bed I would slap on a smile. I overloaded myself with work so I never had time to think about myself. I made sure everyone else was taken care of before I took care of myself. I did not know how much damage that was doing to me until I came to college.

     When I got to college I noticed I did not have half of the responsibilities that I did when I was at home and, I did not know how I was going to be able to handle it. I liked being busy so I was nervous about having time. At first I did struggle I felt like I was missing out with everything that was happening at my house. I started to realize that they were going to be okay without me there every moment because, even when I did live at home I was barely actually at home. I focused mainly on my school work to make sure I had the best grades possible. I would study every chance I would get because, I now had free time that I did not have before. I met friends who I love hanging out with and I grew in my relationship with my boyfriend. Everything was going swimmingly. Having all this time to focus on myself I realized how even when I was doing nothing I was constantly crabby and constantly tired. Before I used to blame it on the fact that I was always busy but, now I am not that busy and I still feel this way. Get ready for a little too much personally information about me but, I also had extremely painful and heavy periods even when on birth control. I had been told a lot of different things by people as what it could be the most common thing people would say was “Your life is changing and your body is stressed it will all be okay”. But I know my body and it has been under stress for most of my life so that didn’t make sense, I knew something was wrong. I called my doctor and asked if it was a possibility that I was anemic. He said he would not know until he ran a couple of blood tests. So I scheduled a doctors appointment for over winter break. When I went in for my appointment he said all my symptoms lined up with being anemic but, he would not know for sure until the blood test came back. It was the Thursday before Christmas so he told me not to expect a call from him with the results until probably the next week. It was the Saturday before Christmas around 5 pm and I was getting ready to go to my boyfriend's family’s Christmas and my phone started to ring, it was my doctor calling. My heart started to beat extremely fast because, he told me not to expect a call until the next week. When I answered the phone he asked me if I had time to chat for a bit. He then said, “I got your results back and they are not good, your blood has almost no iron, vitamin B, or ferritin in it”.  All I could think to myself was thank god. I thought something much worse was going to be wrong. I told him that and he assured me that he would not be calling me right now if this was something not to worry about. It was not the fact that I was excited that something was wrong with me, I was excited that there was an answer to my problems. This whole time people had been telling me it was normal to feel like this but, I did not believe them. My doctor told me it was going to be a long ongoing road until I felt completely better again but, I was so ready. This was the start of when everything was changing.

     I now was taking care of myself, which was allowing to have more energy to take care of other people. I still have days where my anxiety creeps in or where my bed is my biggest challenge of the day but, now I have a little more energy to tackle it with. I am not anywhere near perfect. I am a better version of myself than I was a year ago and I am so excited to see where I am next year. I am not going to tell you all the reasons why this year is already the best year but, trust me I will tell you them soon. So here is to the new year of me! Listening to me! And taking care of ME! I hope you do the same and embrace YOU!

 

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